Since I graduated University in May I have been trying to figure out what to do with my future. At first I wasn’t too worried about what my plans were going to be. I went on an almost month long roadtrip with 2 of my best friends in the whole world, seeing America the way it should be seen, from the window of your car. (Seriously, if you live in the US and haven’t gone on a roadtrip across America, you are missing out. You don’t even have to go everywhere, but at least get out of your own state and explore some of the amazing places in this country. We found some crazy stuff along our travels, but that would be a whole other post /end rabbit trail). I knew that I would be moving back in with my parents and I figured that I could just wing it for a while. But after my roadtrip was done and I had been back at home for a week or two reality set in. My parents began to pester me about securing a full time job (even though I was at that time putting in at least 3 job apps per day and not hearing a thing…), I had to start giving them money to cover my portion of all the bills and so on. So as soon as I was offered a job I took it without looking back because I needed my parents off my back. However, looking back I feel like I should have spent more time looking for jobs that were more in the lines of work that I actually want to do instead of just applying everywhere because my parents were on my case. Because now, almost six months later, I feel trapped in a job that I don’t really like (although I love my co-workers), and I don’t know how I will be able to just drop everything to pursue the life I want.
I want to go back to school to get a ‘degree’ in artist management and have found the perfect online school to help me achieve that. I want to move to Nashville so I can more actively get involved in the music culture and business that thrives there so that hopefully I can see my dream of working in music promotion and merchandising fulfilled. And recently I have felt/seen some signs that seem to be pushing me that direction, but I am still hesitant. And I am not totally sure why I am so hesitant. Maybe it’s because I know I would still need to find a part time job, so I could pay my bills while attending school and also maintain my credit so I could get/keep the loan I would need to take out in order to attend school. Maybe it’s because right now I only have one potential option for a place to live if I moved and it is tentative at best. Although I know that I can make it on my own, since I lived in an apartment with my friends the last two years of university and lived in Nashville last summer during my internship, I still feel that maybe it isn’t quite the time. Or maybe I feel a little uneasy and guilty for what I am giving up to pursue this. I would be quitting my job, leaving my employers, people I respect a lot in a horrible position when they have been nothing but nice to me. Even moving me into a different position than I was originally hired for because they knew it would be better for me. Maybe, it is because I feel safe living at home and having that comfort of living with my parents again after four years of seeing them sparsely. But I also know that I am not happy with settling for this life. I’m not saying that I am depressed or anything, but I want to stop dreaming. Stop saying that someday I will be doing such and such. Or someday I will move to Nashville. Someday… fill in the blank. I can’t just sit back and hope that things will happen for me. I know that I have to take action if I want to live the life I want and I feel that the longer I wait, the further my dream slips away from me. That if I take the safe path, and stay at my job, stay at home and continue to save all my money (or at least all the money that doesn’t go to the few bills I have), I will eventually just settle into this life and never do what I want to do.
My parents are trying to encourage me to wait. My mom keeps telling me that I should stay at my job until I have worked there at least a year, because then I will have a year of professional experience under my belt. But so much can change in a year, and I feel like I need to pursue this now. I have so many friends who didn’t keep after their dreams and now they have settled into ordinary lives, and I don’t want that to be me. I see some of my friends (mostly the bands that I would die to tour with as a merch girl/promo manager) and I see how happy they are because they are actively pursuing their dreams. They often don’t have a place to live or any money in their wallets but damn are they happy. And that is how I want to be. I may be living off of ramen noodles or something, but I would be doing what I love. And maybe my parents don’t understand that and maybe that is partially why I am hesitant. They are hesitant and because I don’t want to disappoint them I am questioning myself.
So here are the big questions I have and I only have 5 weeks to get all the answers:
1) Do I move to Nashville to be closer to the industry?
1a) If I do, I will need to quit my current job where I get paid $9 and try to get a new one once I get to Nashville.
1b) Who will I live with? (I do know of a girl who needs a roommate starting in January, which is the timeframe I am working with.)
2) Do I go back to school part-time to acquire my master certificate in Artist Management?
2a) If I do, how do I get the money to pay for it, i.e. get a loan?
2b) Would I enroll in January or wait until summer semester? [this might be contingent on the loan panning out.]
So dear followers, (if any of you actually read this), what do you think?
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