The last few weeks have been crazy. I have seen emotional highs and emotional lows and have shed many tears, sometimes fo no real reason at all. It has been a time of a lot of prayer and many late nights talking things out with friends and family members. But today, as everything reached a semi-conclusion I can honestly say that I believe everything that I have gone through in the last week or so has been worth it because of the outcome I have reached today. I feel blessed to know that God is in control of my life and although I have often questioned his timing as of late, he truly does know best and this has all worked out at just the right time.
So, for quite a long time I have not felt satisfied at my job, but I have stayed because I knew that God wanted me there for a reason, even if I couldn't see it at the time. But more and more I felt like everyday was an uphill climb and the more I tried to push myself, the closer I came to breaking down. I knew that I was disappointing my boss, but more so I was dissapointing myself beause I hate failing others. But at the same time, I felt that I was trying too hard to be someone I clearly wasn't and I didn't want to have to change myself for anyone or any job. But I wasn't exactly sure what to do about it. When I asked for advice, more often than not I was reminded to pray about my circumstances and wait for God to work it out to his will. So I persevered and went to work everyday and tried to do my very best, and I waited for God to reveal his plan to me.
Last week it all kind of reached a head, when after a really rough day at work in which I felt like a complete failure to my employer and came home a emotional wreck did I start to see that even in this really low point did God have his hands in every situation. After a very rough couple of days where I wasn't even sure if I could make it to the end of the day, the bosses' wife sat me down to talk about 'where I was' because she said I seemed 'out of it'. I won't rehash the entire conversation but the gist is that during this long talk, where both of us cried a bit, she started saying things that seemed to be speaking to things that I had buried deep within my heart while working there. Now a week or so after that talk (and several more private talks with both her & my boss) we have mutally come to the conclusion that this job is not where God wants me to be anymore, and that we are mutally stifling each other. I am stifiling their business because I can't operate on the higher level that they are demanding of me, and they are stifling me from achieving the goals I want to, i.e. move to Nashville in August and pursue my dream of working in music. However at the same time they have stated how much they value my loyalty to them this entire time and have offered for me to work for them in a more personal manner for the rest of the summer as their nanny, so BONUS!!
God really does work everything out in his time! So in about a month I will phase completely out of working in the office and transition to taking care of their kids and doing 'errands' for them, which I am completely okay with. Today I left work feeling completely at ease about the decision we came to, and I feel like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. Thank you to any of you who have been praying alongside me that something would be worked out, because today all those prayers were answered. :)
And for those of you who didn't know, YES I am moving to Nashville either the 2nd or 3rd week of August (probably whenever the kids I will now be nannying for go back to school). I don't know what I will be doing job wise but I almost have my living situation worked out, and I know that God will take care of the rest. :)
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